I never did see such a distraught doggy, no siree!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
5 Things I Would Do if I Were a Dog
1. Succumb to my shameful longing to try wet dog food. Seriously, it smells like beef stroganoff!
2. Keep my tail curled up even if I weren't a Pug. Humans are super offended if other humans don't keep their bum covered, so I'd really enjoy the thrill of a little exhibitionism.
3. Go on a world tour. People would pay big buckaroonies to see a dog bark 'Beethoven's 5th Symphony' in perfect pitch.
4. Show cats how fun chasing their own tail can be. Well, I'd act like there was nothing in it for me but the satisfaction of sharing my favourite past time with a fellow animal, but I'd actually just wait until the cat was good and dizzy then run away with its awesome two-level scratching pole.
5. Cry. I'd cry sad doggy tears because peanut butter would make me look ridiculous. As a human, peanut butter can take Ritz crackers to the next level. But as a dog, eating peanut butter presents a humiliating opportunity for humans to film you then get some super-famous actor to do a voice over. I'm pretty sure that if dogs could speak English, they would not sound like Owen Wilson.
2. Keep my tail curled up even if I weren't a Pug. Humans are super offended if other humans don't keep their bum covered, so I'd really enjoy the thrill of a little exhibitionism.
3. Go on a world tour. People would pay big buckaroonies to see a dog bark 'Beethoven's 5th Symphony' in perfect pitch.
4. Show cats how fun chasing their own tail can be. Well, I'd act like there was nothing in it for me but the satisfaction of sharing my favourite past time with a fellow animal, but I'd actually just wait until the cat was good and dizzy then run away with its awesome two-level scratching pole.
5. Cry. I'd cry sad doggy tears because peanut butter would make me look ridiculous. As a human, peanut butter can take Ritz crackers to the next level. But as a dog, eating peanut butter presents a humiliating opportunity for humans to film you then get some super-famous actor to do a voice over. I'm pretty sure that if dogs could speak English, they would not sound like Owen Wilson.
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